Tag Archives: relax

May 05 2015
1 Comment
Life Perspectives

The Secret To Achieving Inner Peace and Satisfaction

Would you like to achieve more satisfaction with life and experience more inner peace?  We all do, don’t we? To some degree or another we want to feel more inner peace and overall satisfaction, but we don’t know how to go about it.  We spend hours, days, months, even years trying to figure out how to make that happen.  Teacher after teacher has spoken on this subject and has revealed the key that unlocks the door to these most-sought after treasures, personal satisfaction and inner peace.  The key to which I refer is Gratitude, and now we even have scientific research to back it up.

Studies conducted by Professor Robert Emmons at the University of California at Davis found a direct link between gratitude and a deep sense of satisfaction with life.  He found that people who practiced gratitude through the use of journals on a regular basis exercised more regularly, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who wrote about negative or even neutral life events. In addition, participants who kept the gratitude journals were more likely to make progress towards their personal goals in life.  Here are some of his conclusions based on his findings:

  1. People with a strong disposition toward gratitude have the capacity to be empathic and to take the perspective of others.
  2. Grateful individuals place less importance on material goods.
  3. They are less likely to judge their own and others success in terms of possessions accumulated.
  4. They are less envious of wealthy persons, and are more likely to share their possessions with others.
  5. They reported higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy.
  6. Participants were more likely to report having helped someone with a personal problem or having offered emotional support to another.

 How can we learn to cultivate gratitude? 

Focusing on what we do have versus what we don’t have seems to be the key. Reminding ourselves on a daily basis of all the things that come our way keeps us grounded in gratitude instead of want.  At any given moment during the day we can stop and look for something to be thankful for.  It is during these moments that we can become truly attuned to the feeling of gratitude.  There are hundreds of such things in any given day if we choose to be mindful of them.  They add up and build upon one another to create a more centered, content and positive perspective on life.

Professor Emmons recommends keeping a record of these moments in the form of journaling.  When we feel overwhelmed and down in the dumps, we can look back at our notes and remind ourselves of just how fortunate we really are.

Also, the act of giving back compounds the effects of gratitude.  Emmons found that the act of gratitude and the act of giving back reinforce each other and lead to the inevitable: more fulfilling, meaningful and happy lives.

The research conducted also showed something else that was interesting:  grateful people do not deny or ignore the negative aspects of life.  Gratitude does not mean turning a blind eye towards the misfortunes that befall us or the challenges we encounter.  However, given the perspective that gratitude gives us, we are undoubtedly more equipped to handle life’s challenges in a more positive way.

Our attitude determines how effective we are in coping with what life throws in our direction.  As we have said time and time again, our perspective on life determines our reality.  If we approach things with a perspective based on the belief that life is unfair, everything that turns up will look unfair to us.   On the other hand, the practice of gratitude will bring with it the optimism and drive necessary to handle disappointment and push past any obstacles that we may encounter.

How can we start to practice gratitude?  

We must begin with the art of mindfulness, being totally present in the moment.  This will allow us to notice all the little things that surround us, things we might take for granted if we hadn’t stopped to appreciate them.

We must acknowledge these gifts and write them down in a gratitude journal.  These little things make up the fabric of our days, our months, and our years.  We tend to not notice them because we are so caught up in the task of living.  But as they say, we must stop and smell the roses to really appreciate their beautiful fragrance.

Consider what you have been given in life.  Are you blessed with financial security?  Do you have loving children, a supportive family, a nice home?  Are you in good health?  Do you enjoy your work?  Do you have wonderful friends?  Do you have a supportive and loving companion? What does nature give to you?

Start practicing gratitude today.  Pull out a notebook and for just one minute write down anything that comes to mind that you are grateful for.  One minute is not a long time, and you’ll find that the more you do it the easier it will get.  You’re training your mind to look for things to be grateful for, and as you go through the day you’ll be collecting moment after moment and thing after thing to add to your gratitude journal.

Commit to adding to this journal every day.  A good time might be before bedtime when you have time to reflect back on your day.  Think of all the good things that occurred.  Nothing is off limits. Anything that improved your life experience in any way counts. Even the things that you may initially have considered as bad, you may have realized that in the end, they really helped you in some way.

Regardless of what it may look like, life is always working in your favor.  Anytime you find yourself in a situation that seems bad or negative, ask yourself: “Is there good for me in this situation?”  You may not immediately be able to answer in the affirmative, but as a result of you posing this question to your mind it will be looking for the good in it.

For instance, on one occasion my car would not start due to a dead battery and my first reaction was one of irritation because I was going to be late.  However, I reminded myself of the good in everything, and let go of the irritation.  It took me no more than 10 minutes to jump my battery and get on the road; as I was driving I noticed that a car accident had just occurred.  Who knows? Had I been on the road just 10 minutes earlier, I might have been involved in that accident.  The thought of that possibility caused me to feel grateful for my dead battery. I don’t know about you, but I’ll pick a dead battery any day instead of a car accident.

Rhonda Byrne, author of the book “The Magic,” offers another very useful tip to really cultivate the emotion of gratitude.  She recommends that next to every item that you add to your gratitude list you also add the reason why you’re grateful for it.  This prompts your whole being to truly get into the act of appreciating the things that you have listed, rather than just making a list of those things.

Again, journaling at night just before you go to sleep may be ideal for you.  You may just find out that once you’re done writing in your gratitude journal, you’ll be able to sleep better.  And isn’t that something else to be grateful for?

Do you have any questions or comments you’d like to share?  Drop me a line in the comment box below, or email me directly at jc@effect180.com.  I’d love to hear from you.

To your success!

JC

Advertisement
Tagged , , , , , , ,
Apr 18 2015
1 Comment
Life Perspectives

The Secret To Stop Growing Old

Do you feel your age?  Or do you feel older than your age, much older perhaps? Do you feel tired and drained?  Whatever your age is I invite you to read on and discover what you are doing that could be causing you to grow old faster, and what you can do to stop it before it’s too late.

Take a short trip with me down memory lane and recall if you can a time in your childhood when you were truly happy.  A time when you didn’t have any cares or worries and you were just happy.  Try your best to bring back all the details of that memory. When was it? Where were you? What were you doing? Were you alone or were others there with you?

Now close your eyes and sit with this memory for a moment before reading on.

Did you enjoy it?  Did it make you feel good? Did you smile as you remembered? Did it make you feel happy? Did it make you feel young?

Now bring your awareness back to the present, and think about your life as it is now.  Do you feel old again? Did your smile fade away? What happened to that little child?  Does he/she still come out to play, carefree and full of energy, or has he/she grown scared of the world and taken refuge in a dark corner within the older you?  When was the last time you played and laughed like that child?  When was the last time you channeled your inner child, and truly allowed him or her to express him or herself?

Has it been long?  If so, I invite you to ask yourself the reason behind that.  Are you scared that that child will be hurt?  Have you become so overprotective of your inner child that you, yourself, are preventing him/her from coming out to play?

Or do you feel like you are so overwhelmed with “grown up responsibilities” that you have no time to play? It’s easy to postpone or do away with playing when we become so absorbed with our everyday lives.  After all, who has time to play when there are bills to be paid, mouths to be fed, responsibilities to be fulfilled…?

Or is it, perhaps, that you believe that adults are supposed to behave like adults, and not like immature little children?  Do you frown when you see grownups acting silly or just “having too much fun”? Or… are you secretly wishing that you could do the same?

I invite you to really ponder these questions and come up with some truthful answers, because your answers will reveal to you why it is that you feel as old as you feel.  At one point or another we all experienced that carefree child spirit.  We played pretend and absorbed ourselves in imaginary worlds that were filled with fantasy.  We built sand castles, we erected fortresses, we constructed spaceships and race cars, we fought pirates (or perhaps we were pirates); we engrossed ourselves in these activities so much that we lost track of time and space.  Those were good ol’ times weren’t they?

But at some point, somewhere down the line we were introduced to work and responsibility. We were told to stop dreaming and focus on reality. We were instructed, whether with words or by example, to start taking life more seriously, because after all, we weren’t children anymore.

Somehow we got the idea that growing up meant that we had to smile less and stress more; that we had to stop playing and focus all our energy on working; that we had to dream less and do more.

But is that really true?  Must we really bury that free-spirited child in order to live a fulfilling life? Wherever did we get that idea?  It is true that as we grow up, get jobs, get married, have children, our responsibilities increase and our free time decreases.  But where did we get the idea that we had to carry out our responsibilities without having any fun in the process? That we had to frown, be stressed, or be “serious” in order to show that we are mature grownups?  All of this has nothing to do with maturity.  Maturity is demonstrated by taking care of our responsibilities, not by how stressed or serious we are or look when we take care of them.

I believe that it is possible for us to let that inner child out to play again.  Not only is it possible, it is a must if we are to enjoy life to the fullest.  I know all of us are busier than we’d like and it’s difficult to find the time to involve ourselves in fun activities.  But this is precisely why we must make it a point to let our inner child come out to play as often as we can while we carry on with our grown up responsibilities.  Understand that I’m not talking about acting like a child while you’re in that important office meeting or taking that exam.  I’m talking about feeling like a child as often as you can, no matter what you’re doing. I’m talking about letting go of those inhibitions and letting that fun side of you really shine through.

You know the side I’m talking about. You have it. We all do.  But maybe we’re afraid that people will laugh at us or frown at us if we show it.  You know what?  Let them.  Let everyone else frown and think what they want.  Show them that it’s perfectly okay to feel young, to not take life so seriously, to be happy.

How do you go about it?

Next time you are around children pay attention to them.  See how uninhibited they are.  See how little they care about what the other children think.  See how happy they are as a result of it.  Then make it a point to be just like them.  Here are 10 suggestions to help you coax your inner child out of his or her hiding place:

  1. Next time you’re moving from one place to another, whether it’s going from one room to another in your house, or from one isle to the next in the supermarket, skip instead of walking.
  2. Next time you take out the trash pretend there is a hopscotch drawing on the floor and hop, hop, hop your way to the dumpster.
  3. Buy a coloring book and crayons or coloring pencils, or a sketch pad and sketching pencils and spend 5-10 minutes coloring or drawing while you wait for your laundry to be done.
  4. Surprise your child or spouse by tickling the heck out of them. Then dare them to do the same to you and run!
  5. When stepping out of the shower make funny faces or talk in funny voices in front of the mirror.
  6. Next time you pick up your kids from school ask them what they did in school that day. When they tell you what they did, say, “Sounds boring compared to what I did.” Then make up a fantasy about going to the moon, or fighting monsters, or having a sea adventure.
  7. Dance in place as you cook, do the laundry, or make a deposit at the ATM.
  8. Buy a bubble set and have fun making and popping bubbles at the park while you watch your children play.
  9. Put stickers or post-it notes on your face while doing paperwork or paying bills.
  10. Next time you’re cooking dinner wear a bowl on your head and pretend it’s a chef’s hat, then narrate what you’re cooking as if you were doing a cooking show.

Give these suggestions a try, or come up with your own! There are hundreds of ways to channel your inner child and have fun while taking care of your adult responsibilities.  Whatever you do, give yourself permission to be free, and smile as you’re doing it.  Not only will you be less stressed and have more fun, you’ll be stopping or even reversing the aging process.

This post was inspired by my lovely wife whose inner child is always inviting my inner child out to play, and who reminds me every day that, no matter how hectic our lives are, there is always time for laughter.

We don't stop playing because we grow old... We grow old because we stop playing.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Apr 17 2015
1 Comment
Life Perspectives

Why Having A Magic Lamp Wouldn’t Make You Happy

magic lamp, wishes, dreams, Aladdin, dreams, goals

Imagine for a moment that you found Aladddin’s lamp. I know. Humor me. Imagine that one day you’re taking a relaxing stroll around your neighborhood and you suddenly spot something shiny hiding in the bushes.  At first you ignore it and dismiss it as something unimportant (perhaps an empty soda can?).

You continue stroll but a few moments later you can’t shake the feeling that you were meant to see that, whatever it was.  What if it was something important?  “I better make sure,” you think.  So you walk back to retrieve the shiny object and to your surprise you find yourself staring at what appears to be a magic lamp.  Could it be?  “Yeah, right.” You let out a sarcastic chuckle and laugh at yourself for thinking such a ridiculous thing. “Still… what if it is?”  You take an inconspicuous look around to make sure no one is looking, and carefully rub the sides of the lamp.

As soon as you do that, smoke starts oozing from the lamp and suddenly, out comes a genie who, to your amazement, utters those amazing words you’ve been waiting to hear all your life, “Your wish is my command.” He then tells you that he’s there to grant you all of your heart’s desires.  Not just 3 wishes, but all of them.

Now think for a moment. What would you ask for?  You’d probably ask for all the major things right away. Love, health, money, success, vacations to exotic locations, mansions, more money, more love, etc. etc. etc.  You would basically ask for all the things that you believe would make your life easy, happy, pain-free, and struggle-free.  You’d go wild, testing the waters to see if you would really be able to get all you want.

You’d then realize that you can ask not only for you but for everyone else around you.  So you’d become the biggest philanthropist, sharing your good fortune with everyone around you.  At some point, however, you’d start running out of things to ask for.  You’ve had all the vacations you could think of, helped everyone in the world (work with me here), have more money than you know what to do with, all the success and love you can imagine, all coming instantly to you without any amount of effort or struggle on your part.

How long could you live like this? Honestly. How long? A year? Ten years? Twenty?  How long would it be before you were bored out of your mind and were left feeling depressed and worthless?  How long would your mind be able to live without a challenge or a worthy goal?  How long before you felt like you were no better than an inanimate object that adds no value to anything?

Sooner or later you’d start looking for things to do, challenges to face, goals to pursue, problems to solve.  But you wouldn’t ask the genie to bring these to you, you’d want to go out and find them yourself.  We would all want to do this.  And do you know why?  Because that’s our nature.  We think that we want life to be a breeze; we think that we’d just as soon be without the worries, the pain, the suffering, the sorrow, the struggle.  From our vintage point, we’d trade our lives for the imaginary scenario I described above in a heartbeat. But how quickly we would tire of it.  We’d soon find out that a life like that is not much fun.  You probably know by now that the things we value the most are those that required some involvement or contribution from us, no matter how small; and the higher our contribution, the greater its value to us.

There is a lesson in all of this.  I’m not saying that life has to be difficult in order for it to be fun, exciting, exhilarating or rewarding.  What I’m saying is that life is not supposed to be pain or struggle free.  I’m saying that the pain, the struggle, the challenges and all the emotions associated with these things, the good and the bad, are what make the human life such a magnificent experience.

The true joy of living does not stem from never experiencing difficulties or struggles, but from overcoming them.  So don’t get all bummed out about how life may be right now.  It won’t stay that way forever.  In spite of what it seems like at times, there is perfect balance and order in the universe. The seemingly negative experiences we encounter are meant to help us become better versions of ourselves. Embrace the challenge and push forward with confidence.

Pain may be inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Decide today that you will suffer no more.  Decide today that you don’t need to wait to find Aladdin’s lamp to be happy.  Decide today that no matter what situations you encounter in life, you will make it your dominant intent to look for the good in them, for there is good to be found if we only look hard enough.  Decide today that you will take on every day with unshakable confidence, and the determination to feel good, to spread love, to experience joy in everything you do. Decide today that you will go after your goals and your dreams, and that you will enjoy and appreciate the ride as much as, if not more than, getting there.  Decide today to share your gifts with the world, which no one but you can share.  Decide today to leave your mark in this world.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Apr 15 2015
Leave a comment
Life Perspectives

Remember This The Next Time You Feel Like You’ve Lost Your Way In Life

A few days ago I was driving to a store to which I had never been before located in a different city.  I wasn’t very familiar with the area where it was located so I plugged the address into my GPS, turned up the speaker volume and prepared to be navigated to my destination.

I was following directions as they were spoken to me and driving right along when I went into one of those autopilot moments and didn’t realize that my turn was coming up in less than 100 feet.

Unfortunately I was driving in the middle lane and there were cars on the lane next to me so there was no way I was going to be able to make my turn.  I had no choice but to continue driving straight.  Needless to say, I was frustrated.

I started beating on myself for getting distracted.  I should have been paying attention to the directions, what was I thinking?  If only I had been paying attention this would not have happened.  Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

In the meantime, my GPS went about its job and in a few seconds I heard it say, “Re-routing;” a few seconds later it said in its usual calm and matter-of-fact tone, “In 500 feet make a legal u-turn”.

I finally made it to my destination with no further incident (I was focused on the directions this time), but on my way back I had time to think about what had transpired earlier.  It occurred to me that while I was sitting in my car frustrated and beating on myself for not paying attention to the directions, my GPS simply re-calculated the route and continued guiding me towards my destination.

I then started thinking of how often this happens to us in everyday life, and how often we get distracted and stop listening to our internal GPS.  We all have one, you know. And if we know how to use it, it can help us get to our destination using the shortest route possible.  It can re-route us if we missed our turn or had to take a detour for whatever reason, and it can set us back on course.

But like an electronic GPS, we must make use of it in order for it to work.  Here are a few suggestions I thought of on how we can make the best use of our internal GPS.  I will compare each suggestion to an electronic GPS for illustration purposes:

We must use it
I’m sure you would agree that it would make no sense whatsoever to have a GPS in the car but not turn it on and not plug in the address, but expect it to direct us to our destination.  That would be illogical, wouldn’t it?  We know that in order for the electronic GPS to guide us to where we want to go we must  turn it on and plug in the address of our destination.

So it is with our internal GPS.  We must decide what we want to accomplish in life, what goals we want to achieve, what dreams we want to fulfill, and set them as our destination by thinking about them often and visualizing the end result, so that they become plugged into our internal GPS.

We must be clear
What would happen if instead of plugging in an exact address into our electronic GPS we entered a “general location?”  The GPS would still do its job of guiding us towards the general location, but it would not know how to get us to the exact place where we want to go, because it has no clarity.

Similarly, when we are unclear about where we want to go with our lives, or what specific goals we want to accomplish, our internal GPS will fail to guide us towards them.  It is not enough to have “a general idea” of where we want to go.  We must be clear about our goals so that our internal GPS can do its job of guiding us directly to them and not just in their general direction.

We must listen to it
The electronic GPS will do its job of guiding us towards our destination following the shortest route.  But this will not do us any good if we decide to do whatever we want to do anyways.  If the GPS says to turn right but instead we turn left, we may never get to our destination.  Or we may get there eventually, but it will take us longer.  For as long as the address is plugged in and the GPS is on, it will continue to try to re-route us to get us back on course using the shortest route, but if we don’t pay any attention to it and do what it’s telling us to do, it won’t do us any good.

Our internal GPS works the same way.  It is always on, but the trouble is we are not always listening to it.  We become distracted by our daily chores, or we just decide to do the opposite of what our internal GPS is telling us.  This will only cause unnecessary delays or keep us from reaching our goals altogether.

We must not panic
Imagine that as we are driving to our destination we missed our turn like I did that day, and since we missed our turn we blame and curse the GPS, and turn it off (yeah, that’ll teach it!).  I’m sure we can all agree that this is not the right thing to do.  We must remember that our GPS will kick right in and re-route us to get us back on course, so there is no need to panic.

Similarly, if we end up getting off course from our goals for whatever reason we must not blame our internal GPS and we must certainly not stop listening to it!  We must remember that it has the ability to re-route us and get back on track towards our goals.  That is the time to shut off all distractions and tune in to our internal GPS, paying close attention to it so that we can hear the “re-routing” cue.

Later on I will be talking more about our internal GPS, what it is and how we can use it, but for now see if you agree with my conclusion the next time you use your electronic one, and let me know what you think!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Apr 10 2015
Leave a comment
My Life

Breathe and Realize That All Is Well…

beach_sunset3

On a gorgeous Saturday evening I was sitting with my wife outside a beach front coffee shop watching in awe as the sun set behind the calm, blue ocean.  A moment prior to that, we had been engrossed in a lively conversation about our plans, our goals and our future.

We talked about needing to move to a bigger house, needing to earn more money, needing to expand her business; but somehow as soon as the sun began to set, our lively conversation was replaced by a contemplative silence.

Everything around me faded away; the sounds, the street, the cars, the people, the buildings, even the beach and the sun disappeared and I was left with nothing but emotions.  I was instantly submerged into a deep appreciation for the countless blessings that I have in my life.

I realized that at that very moment I was truly happy.  At that very moment there was nothing else that I wanted or needed in order to experience the emotions that I believed a bigger house, more money, or more success could bring me.

I felt peace, love, appreciation, gratitude, exhilaration and immense joy.  I felt as if I was in a different realm, finally being able to see and understand the reality of things.  I did not want to come out from that trance. I wanted to remain there, experiencing this indescribable beauty.

A few moments later the hustle and bustle of the street began to gain volume, and I became aware once again of my surroundings.  I immediately turned to my wife and shared my experience with her; I expressed my longing for that feeling to come back, and my disappointment that it had been short lived.  Could I bring it back? It felt like it was gone forever.

But then I realized that nothing seemingly out of the ordinary had happened to take me there.  While it was true that I had entered this peaceful state while appreciating the gorgeous sunset at the beach, it wasn’t the sunset itself that took me there. I had certainly seen many sunsets at the beach before.  Moreover, if the sunset itself had been the cause, everyone experiencing it would have been likewise hypnotized.

Then it hit me. It was my contemplation and appreciation of the sunset that got me into that state. And this…this was something I could certainly repeat. A sunset was not the only beautiful or awe-inspiring thing around me.

There are thousands, even millions of such things around me every single day. The sound of a bird’s chirping in the morning, the butterfly that lands on a rose, the flowers that grow outside my house, the millions of stars in the sky, the smile on a friend’s face, the look in my wife’s eyes, my child’s voice calling me daddy.  All of these and countless more are things that could help me get to that state of pure bliss, if I only decide to contemplate and appreciate them.

Since that day, it has been my intention to re-live that experience at every chance I get.  It’s no small task because it requires focus, and one can easily get distracted by the endless pile of things to do.  But this is why I found it’s important to at least once a day take a break and breathe slowly for a few minutes, uninterrupted, and allow myself to enter into a state of contemplation and gratitude.

I invite you to do so now, as you finish reading this post.  Take a deep breath in and relax your body as you exhale. Close your eyes and think about something that elicits feelings of love, peace or gratitude. Bask in those feelings for a few minutes or for as long as you can, and let them permeate every cell in your body.  Smile as you do so, and know that at this very moment, all-is-well.

Tagged , , , , ,